(to his cat) If I wanted your asshole on my mouth, I'd do it while you were asleep!

Krieger: Look, I'm just following orders.
Barry: That's what the Nazis said!
Krieger: Yeah, tell ME about Nazis.

What a load of shit. I should be looking for my partner's killer but instead I'm looking for a damn finger.

Archer

And by the way, if I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn't I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!

Kreiger

Maybe I didn't go to some fancy-pancy Ivy League med school, and maybe I didn't go to some other med school, even the one down in Grenada which was my fall-back but whatever, that doesn't give you the right to bully me! I have had it!

Pam: I was voted best milker!
Krieger: Me too!
Everyone: Eww.

  • Permalink: Eww.
  • Added:

Krieger: I've been working on miniaturization for years!
Cyril: Krieger, those were shrinky dinks.
Krieger: It's the same principle!

Krieger: Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
Cheryl: But Doctor, I thought the patient was getting the hand.
Krieger: Speaking of hands, Nurse, I'm -
Cheryl: Overplaying yours?
Krieger: Well I was gonna say "putty in yours" m'dear but I'll have to hand it to ya!
Cheryl: Hmm - keep your hands to yourself, Doctor.
Cyril: Can we have a show of hands? Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
Ray: Goddammit!! Can you please shut up - and sew on my robot hand!

Pam: How do you not murder her every day?
Krieger: I do!

Pam: No! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it.
Krieger: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.

Archer: Where's Lana?
Krieger: I'm not even 100% sure where I am right now. (gets shot with a tranquilizer for the 3rd time by Archer)
Archer: (to tranquilizer gun) You are my new favorite thing


Lana: What is it, soup?
Ray: Define soup.
Lana: Would it be safe to assume that no one wants to drink what's in your thermos?
Krieger: Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

Ron