It is exciting, but there is no guarantee it will work. There's a lot of resistance to change. Nevertheless, it's our duty to try because if we don't; then we are truly lost.

Holt

Holt: This time, we're pulling out all the stops; it will be a truly extravagant affair.
Charles: Oh, how extravagant are we talking? Champagne pyramid?
Terry: Destination wedding?
Jake: Celebrity officiant?
Holt: We got the salad forks! Can you believe it, a second fork?! Who do we think we are?! Oh no, you're shocked at how garish it is. Now I don't even want to tell you the other surprise I have in store for Kevin.
Jake: Wait, let me guess -- you're getting bread plates?
Holt: Don't be absurd; we're not crazy. No, the big surprise is I'm retiring from the NYPD.
Terry: Wait --
Charles: What?!
Jake: Why did you lead with the salad forks?!

Well, you know what they say -- time flies when God pulls down his pants and takes a dump on your life.

Charles

Jake: Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case! He confessed!
Charles: It doesn't matter! I'm still not a Boyle. I'm just a normal person. Normal from snout to anus!

Jake: Well, I, for one, am pumped to be going.
Terry: To a funeral?
Jake: I'm so bored, Terry. I've been suspended for eighty-seven days. Mac gets dropped off at daycare, and I just sit at home playing Animal Crossing! But no one will buy my bugs or fossils! I'm desperate for some normal human interaction.
Charles: Coffin delivery!
Jake: Okay, fine, it doesn't have to be normal or human. Any interaction will work!

Amy: Ugh, this sucks! You didn't get to arrest Franzia; I didn't get to see Mac pull up. I guess we really can't do it all.
Jake: I don't know. I mean, you got to do the work thing, and I got to do the parent thing, so together, we could do it all.

Jake: Stupid Franzia is probably in his house right now trying to murder him and his family.
Amy: At least he's not here trying to murder me and Mac!
Jake: I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Ames, but we both know you're grasping at straws.

Jake: This is why you don't have an arch-nemesis, Terry, because you focus on the wrong details.
Terry: Maybe I don't have an arch-nemesis because I solve all my crimes.
Jake: That's a pretty fucked up thing to say to me.

Jake: Amy! We know where Franzia is. We're gonna go arrest him; I need you to take Mac.
Amy: No, you need to take Mac; I have to go right now!
Jake: So do I! What do we do?
Amy: I guess we could call that creepy babysitter you like so much.
Jake: The babysitter is Franzia!
Amy: Even better! Two birds with one stone, we bring him to you!
Jake: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!
Amy: OH, GROW UP!
Jake: COME ON!

Amy: I look insane. What am I gonna do?
Terry: Okay, style over substance is clearly out. But if anyone can substance the crap out of this, it's Amy Santiago!
Amy: You're right; I can do this. Substance over style.

Amy: No. None of us are scaling back. We can be good parents without sacrificing our careers. We just have to work as a team!
Jake: You know what? Yes, you're right, we got this! All we need is each other.
Amy: There's been a lice outbreak at daycare, and they're closing for the next two days.
Jake: What?! No! We need so much more than each other!

Charles: All these notes are from the same doctor.
Jake: Everyone got a blood test, and they all had mono? That seems really improbable.
Charles: Yeah, nobody gets mono at this age. You get it as an eight-year-old, and then you're immune.
Jake: Wait, you get it as an eight-year-old? Mono, the kissing disease?
Charles: No, it's the cousins' disease. You get it by kissing your cousins. Oh, I guess we're both right.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Holt: I know you'd all rather be at home binge-watching media content...
Jake: Ohhh! I just started the second season of "Media Content". No spoilers.

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?